When

Once you have
Taken a step back and
Surveyed the damage done,
Taken a step forward
And let the healing begin,
Toiled endless and fruitless
And enjoyed it like air,
Realised, finally and alone
The truth about fear
And that only you care
And that love is rare,
Call me.

Some Necessary Goodbyes

Although the garden is cool and the white jasmine blossoms
are filling the evening with tiny pollen dreams, I must say goodbye.
Everywhere the boxes are piling up, memories and functions,
Weeks and months, carefully stored, I will not look back, not even try.

This semi-attached hell that I’ve enjoyed, endured, embraced,
Will linger where it belongs I hope, in swift fading memory.
These bricks, leaves, smiles, hangover, push-ups, chicken dinners
Will all serve in another place, adore another heart, maybe.

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fragments

I feel like the junkie in Comfortably Numb .. only coming through in waves

Because you are so far away I wonder whether
You are more than the ghost that haunts my mobile phone
Than the ache behind my eyes when I lie down alone.

or

For this cage a key
For that serpent a sword
Last brutal mercy
From an absent Lord.

or

the nature of non-physical exchange

in that by giving we become and
in that by taking we belong and
that exchanges are never fair

or

the wolf is barring the door
his ravings come home to roost

a thought

if evaporation is a cooling process
and longing is a growing process,
i guess it makes sense that
my cheeks are frozen to the sky.

A Spell for Sanity (*draft – patience please)

Ingredients;

A wine soaked heart,
A bitter, broken pill,
A candle, a coin,
A dark, grassy hill.

Invocation;

Guardians of the Watchtowers of the West, I invoke thee.
Come, come, come.

Even tonight, the workings begin.
Even tonight, time bends just so.
Even tonight, we are one, we are kin.
Even tonight, I must finally let go.

Lament;

By this candle, white as her breast,
I summon her hither, at work or at rest
By this coin of a long dead empire,
I pay my debt to the past and to the future.
By this pill, bitter as the task lying ahead,
I make whole what was broken and dead.
On this hill where the spell was first told,
I re-take my oaths, re-make my soul.
By this drenched heart, numb and cold,
I become the keeper of truths, as of old.

Hey, you.

Hey, you.
Have you seen my boyfriend?
Don’t smile at me,
Of course you have.
No.
Not the one you become,
When you occupy space
So gently.
No.
Not the one you become,
Fallen so terribly silent,
So right,
That I feel alone.
Anyway,
If you see my boyfriend…
Not smiling now, I see.
No
Nevermind,
I’ll know.

untitled (draft)

You should have sat me down, poured me a drink,
Should have asked me carefully, just what I think.
You could have broken the news in some ritual way,
You could have given me the chance to ask you to stay.

Disclaimer

Given the current state of my mind, where the number of conflicting emotions is second only to the constant longing, some weird stuff may appear in the next few weeks. Caveat Emptor.

New Troubles for a New Year (draft)

So brash, perhaps brazen, were you that self assured?
So sure you’re walking the path all your regrets have prepared?
So sadly sudden, half hidden, so utterly belated,
So amazed, your heels are not spontaneously immolated.

If I’m to be left behind without a single shed tear,
May I beg permission, this last once, to bend your ear?

I have two lists, three confessions and a catalogue of sorts
Not sure where to begin to make the future better than worst.

Arial’s Lament – zero

If I felt a damn thing lately, it was for you.
Further away than I could reach, thats true.
But I, I have words and apparently, ways,
To bridge the voids of a thousand days.